Wow, 2 years!!!! WTH, it seems like yesterday and my memories are still so clear. Why is it when something so traumatic happens you have those dates/times etched in your mind. I can remember every detail with every second. 2 years today at almost this exact time, the skilled surgeon was digging around my belly and extracting everything that cancer had effected. 2 years ago today I marched into that pre-operation room like a Boss and at that moment I felt like I could beat anyone's ASS. 2 years ago today the absolute only thing I wanted to do was see my children again:( 2 years ago today I battled the absolute hardest thing ever in my life. 2 years ago today I woke up to see my husband smiling down at me with those magical words that I wanted to hear, "He Got it all :)"
Today is a mixed of emotions for me. I should be doing cart wheels around the house and partying like an animal. I decided that each milestone I reached after I was diagnosed would be a celebration but then life goes on.... We don't really celebrate the way I had in my head. One reason is I don't expect anyone to remember this day the way I do so I don't really want to make a big deal out of it. Also after 2 years I don't remember all the good, the sad parts of this all are still there and doesn't really put me in a celebratory mood. I wonder when I hit the 5 year mark if I will be more at ease with the fear of a recurrence?? Only time will tell :)
I would be lying if I said that everything has been rainbows and sunshine for the last 2 years. It has been an up and down roller coaster for me and I have said in the past that I am still working very hard to figure this all out. Sometimes I don't even believe that I went through what I did and am doing as well as I am today. Then other times my mind gets foggy and takes me back to this whole experience with a overwhelming sadness that I had to go through it but hell it also makes me so pissed that anyone has to go through Cancer!
I have lived more the last 2 years that I probably have in most of my life. I have done things that I always wanted to do. I have let a lot of shit go that has been trailing around my adult life for some time now. I have learned to not force relationships with anyone, family, or friends. I am me and if you love me you love me but if you don't I am ok with that also :) . I do tell the ones I love often how much they mean to me :) . I take better care of myself then ever!! Most of all I do try to live my life to the absolute fullest and I do know that nothing is guaranteed in life but we need to just keep on making every second count while we are here!!!!!
