"Tis the Season

As the snow fell and the season is in full effect, I am feeling very grateful.  This time of the year holds some of my darkest memories through the years.  December 5th is a new date that is stuck in my mind.  Today is one of those anniversary days I wish I didn't remember or even think of.  The day December 5, 2014 was the day my life would be turned upside down, twisted around and changed forever.  Who would have knew that no symptoms, no signs, absolutely nothing that would lead to a  a cancer diagnosis.  I would have to say my memory is not the best the older I get....but that day is branded in my brain forever.  It is no different then the day I met the love of my life, or when I delivered my babies, and even when I have lost the ones I love.  I can remember like it was yesterday when the doctor said he wasn't going to tell me what they thought it was because I would start getting on the DAMN internet! Well I have a hard time listening to directions, so the internet was the very first thing I did after hearing Pseduomyxoma Peritonei...... I couldn't even pronounce it, WTH :(  Every step of the process I remember.  I remember trying to find info and there was not much out there at all.  I remember calling the American Cancer Society and they did not even have it listed so they couldn't help much.  I remember all the sleepless nights.  I remember everyone I spoke to telling me that this was different, the treatment was different, and the outcomes were going to be different.  I remember feeling somewhat inspired that Audrey Hepburn had the same exact diagnosis as I did and they think she had it over 20 years before she passed.  Kinda morbid but that is what I was looking at, survival rates, how long did I have, etc.  The task at hand was to get through through the holiday though since we were so close to our favorite time of the year. My kids had to have a Great Christmas no matter what.  I was in a fog but I did just that :)

Jump forward to last year at this time.  Treatment was over in Feb 2015. Mother of all Surgeries was performed to extract the cancer and everything else that could go. I was living life to the absolute fullest and then my doctor calls and tells me he is pretty sure my cancer is back.  Talk about getting smacked upside the head and falling on your ass once again. Now I was going into the 2nd Holiday season, almost within days of my original diagnosis and bad news once again.  As if I needed another cancer anniversary date to remember.... So what do I do,  I had to get through the holidays again and basically figure out a way to put this in the back of my mind until the season had passed.  Jump forward to the middle of January last year and  I ended up getting GREAT news tin he middle of January from a second opinion.  The cancer was NOT back as far as he could see and to keep on, keeping on :) .  Hallelujah!!!

Present day, I just got back a couple of weeks ago from Baltimore with the best news ever.  The first time in 2 years I get to celebrate the holidays without any bad news hanging over my head.  No signs of cancer for me, they call it NED-no evidence of disease.  I have a huge love for NED, he is one sexy beast to me :)  So what better to do then Celebrate every second of these holiday days!!!!  We decided that we would have a Party with all of our friends to kick it all off in a couple of weeks.  Then on to our family holiday traditions that we do every year.  This year is going to be different for me though because I have nothing but happy tears coming from these eyes!

2 years ago today my life did take a very dramatic turn but it effected more than just me.  I am happy that I have some type of reprievement this year and so does everyone that loves me who has been walking by my side through this all.  I am still a survivor and still have no guarantees in life but who does ;) . I do know that this anniversary date is going to be a day that is branded in me just like the other important ones, and I am grateful for that because I know how truly blessed I am to be here :) .  Merry Christmas!!!! Love you all :)