Today I sit here looking back on the last year and half all that has happened. December 2014, I was told I had a super rare cancer and no one knew what to do with it or what comes next. January 2015, we spent the whole month trying to find the perfect doctor to treat this, with little information out there because it is such a weird type. February 2015 is the month I lost 9 organs, and all my cancer at the same time in one monstrous surgery. March 2015-November 2015 I lived my life to the fullest, awesome vacations, working on myself, doing things I had never done and enjoying every second, except of course the 3 month scans :( The day after Thanksgiving I received a call from my doctor who simply said, "We see 2 spots, and we don't know what they are but they have been there the whole time so we will look again in a couple of months, I will call you on Monday and we can talk more.".... I did not get that call, and never heard anything again. December 2015, exactly one year from my diagnosis, I had to find a new doctor, although the original surgeon was remarkable, it was time to move on and the search was on again. January 2016, found a new doctor, an unbelievably great one to say the least and flew to Baltimore to meet him and we found out that whatever it is was is so small they cannot call it a recurrence. He sat next to me going over every inch of my scans and I left there feeling like I was going to be Ok, until my 4 month alarm went off and it was time to see him again. I just got back from a vacation of a lifetime and I was a hot mess to say the least leading up to this last appointment, never had I been so bad before! Bad dreams, anxiety attacks, and I cried as much as I did when I found out I had cancer. This was a big appointment for me, so as I sat in the office my mind was going back to full on mom mode, when I would schedule my surgery if my cancer was back, and who would watch the kids, etc. The doctor walks in and said on this scan they see nothing, no small spots, nothing at all. Wow, I was just the lowest I had been mentally since my diagnosis and now to just be raised all the way to the top with those words of not seeing anything!!! I had some questions and of course CT scans aren't 100% but I had to take those words at walk away with my ticket for 6 more months of living, and not worrying :)
That timeline basically shows you how I have been up to the highest peak on the roller coaster to soaring down to the lowest, then back up all within moments of one another. It can do a lot to someone that has to go up and down like this. However, I am getting use to my ups and downs and I remind myself that in life we all have these crazy roller coaster rides, although not exactly the same but a ride it still is :) Everyone handles their rides different, for myself I have been coming down from this ride the last week or so. My adrenaline rush has died down a bit since my last doctors appointment and I have been hiding out this last week to just regroup. I think that is normal right? I was basically holding my breath up to my appointment and I feel like I just came up for air. Now with my new stay out of jail for the next 6 months card, I need to get back to living damnit!!
Today I woke up feeling funky again so I just knew I had to release my thoughts on my blog and get past it. Today I am going to start a fresh, enjoy my summer with my kids, and spend lots of time with my family/ friends. If I am going to be riding this roller coaster, I am going to throw my hands up and enjoy it along the way :)
