I find myself.....My daughter's 21st birthday

As my daughter's 21st birthday approaches this Sunday the 24th, I find myself reminiscing on the last 21 years as her mother.  WOW!  If you really take the time and go through your memory bank it really does bring tears of joy to my eyes.

 When I got pregnant with her I was just 20 years old.  I had decided early on that my place in this world was as a wife and mother.  While everyone else was going off to college and living their young lives, I was settling down and getting married.  I really did not think it would happen so fast but I was pregnant within days of being married.  Shocked, young and scared I was still so excited to have this little baby in my life.  We had one car, lived in a small apartment and we worked our butts off, not making very much money so I was terrified !! :( My pregnancy was so easy and even though I was 2 weeks overdue, after being induced and 3 hours of labor, my little girl was born.  She was perfect!  Her father and I were by all means, newbies.  We were very blessed to have his family.  They would beg to watch her any chance they could and that allowed us to go to the grocery store.... that was our Friday nights :)   She was the best child ever!!  I think she spoiled me by being so good.

She was my strength through some very hard times, because she loved me I got through it all :)  Her father and I worked very close together after our divorce to make her the top priority.  She was loved by all and that made her one happy little girl. She has grown into such an amazing young woman

 and to think that it is already her 21st birthday just blows my mind.  I can still remember dropping her off for Kindergarten and crying like a baby while her dad said, whats going to happen when she leaves for college..... Of course I cried like a baby, as I do every time she leaves to go back to school.

I find myself telling her things that she will need to know in life, almost as if I am not going to be here to tell her myself.  I don't mean to do that but because of my diagnosis, I view tomorrow a little different than I did before.  I don't want any regrets and if it means showing her how to clean properly, how to manage money, or giving her family recipes, this is my way of trying to teach her everything I know just in case.

I also find myself simply watching her grow.  Like I have always done, I love watching her change into these different phases of her life.  I look at her and think that whatever I did, I did it well (toot, toot) :)  I do think that most of my approach on raising children focuses on lots of love, and attention.  I am being completely honest by saying that my children have not gone a day in their lives without getting a hug,  a kiss and I love you from me.  With that being said, I find myself thinking more about what the future brings.  I find myself remembering all of these life events with my beautiful daughter, all of her first that I have been there for.  I find myself sometimes getting sad that there are no guarantees on always being around for my children's milestones.  I don't think that I am thinking negative at all, reality has just smacked me to many times to think any other way.  I find myself soaking in every second I can, of every experience I can.  I find myself feeling bittersweet about her turning 21 this week, where does the time go.   I find myself holding on to every minute I can with her until she leaves my home for good, and starts her own journey in life.  Most of all I find myself over joyed with how lucky I am that she chose me as her mother and how extremely proud I am of her, My Daughter :)