It's been 19 years since my grandma passed away on this day. It is a day that part of my heart was taken. Any one that knew my grandma would have have told you what a wonderful and great women she was but I saw her as so much more. She was my idol, my mentor, my best friend, my mother, my grandmother and my hero all wrapped into one person. She was the only stability that I knew growing up and I lived for all my school breaks and summers where I would go spend them with her. I would watch every move she made to only someday try to be just like her. Her traditions that she created for her family, the love that she showered for all and most of all her charismatic personality that shined for all to see.
December 19th, 2006 I called her at 5:30am in the morning to let her know that we would be coming to celebrate Christmas a little early due to my then husband's grandma passing that night. My grandma was up every day before the sun drinking her coffee and listening to the radio except that day. My grandpa answered who was asleep but didn't know where she was. I am on the phone with him as he found her gone sometime in the night... That phone call would forever change me. We jumped in the car to travel our 4 hours to not only mourn one grandma but now two. I was young, only 23 when this happened but I pulled it together and jumped right into her position of making sure the traditions stayed in place for the children. She had already prepared all the meals and froze them, wrapped all the presents and set out the place settings. We celebrated her life as we mourned her but we also had to celebrate Christmas because she would not have wanted it any other way. I can remember it like it was yesterday. We all have had a day that we will never forget but 12-19-06 is one of mine.
She was the rock of the family, the glue that held it all together, the voice for us all. When she left us the family would forever be different. The holidays, the checking in with each other and the whole around dynamic of the family would never be the same. It was hard for me because even though I was her granddaughter, she was my mother. My life spiraled out of control for a couple of years as I tried to find my purpose once again. I did when I met my husband 17 years ago, but she was always there cheering me on. I do believe that she led me to my husband in some way, knowing that I needed him in my life.
Christmas was her favorite time of the year and I have figured out ways to exactly celebrate with my family the way she did with hers. Our house is decked out with Christmas cheer galore. I bake cookies for a week and freeze dozens of them to hand out to my family and friends, just like she did. I make her famous twice baked potatoes to have at our Christmas Eve celebration. My sister comes with her family all the way from Florida because it's not Christmas without them. We all get new Christmas pajamas to wear because she started that tradition. We line up youngest to oldest to enter a spectacular room full of joy and presents on Christmas morning. Most of all we are all here and together to celebrate this time of the year. She has left me with so many memories that I will cherish for my life.
I will forever remember this day and my beautiful angel that shines down on me. I know she is watching out for me and doing everything she can to keep me positive and healthy while picking me up when I am down along the way. I am so lucky that I get to carry on her traditions and celebrate this time of the year with my favorite holiday and with my family and friends. Instead of sitting back and talking about how I remember the past, I make the most of my present time and make sure my children will carry on these traditions some day for their family and friends the same way I did.
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