My youngest baby :)

I was just laying in bed reflecting on my youngest son's basketball game yesterday.  He really is a very good athlete in most of the sports he plays but he is crazy competitive and can't stand to lose, I mean CAN'T stand to lose!  Yesterday his game was off and when that happens he gets frustrated beyond belief, so next will come tears.  I don't care how many times my husband and I tell him that he cannot cry, it's just a game, it still happens and is out of our control.  That turned me into one unhappy mama because I don't want to see him over on the bench crying because of a 4th grade basketball game and I know that he is pulling every excuse out of his pocket on why he is upset which none of them are the real reason.  We came home from that game and gave him the talk about why he cannot do that, and how the other kids don't get upset like that, and on and on to try to get him to understand. It becomes very exhausting for his father and I as we try to calm him down while he is battling us on how we don't know how he feels :(

Today my mind immediately went to yesterday and the times before when this has happened.  I realized that I am to blame for this, I am the one that held him for the first 2 years pretty much non stop.  I am the one that would try to instill in the kids how important it was to do their best and with him to always stay on his game no matter what giving 110% at all times.  I am also the one that won't let him play impact sports such as football because I don't want him to get hurt :( I also am the one that thought we were going to have another child after him but after years of trying it did not happen so I quickly realized he was going to be my last one, my baby so I treated him like just that....

My youngest of course does not know anything about my writings but someday he will and he will love the attention!  He loves to talk, talk and talk.  He will carry on a conversation with any adult any day of the week and talk right along with the topic at hand.  He was on the phone the other night with his Poppy about college basketball and it never ceases to amaze me how much he remembers from the previous years, players names, stats, etc.  He carried that conversation on until we made him get off the phone.  He will ask us deep questions about life, things that most 9 year olds would never even think about, like political questions, about wars, about family members that he realizes he doesn't see very often and is trying to analyze why.  He will have full on debates on topics that he feels strong about such as Obama :(  He also catches on to everything! He wants everything to be fair, for everyone in the world!  He makes good friends with every teacher he has had and he still will help them in their classes, and talks to them all, almost daily.  He wants to play every sport he can because he really wants to be the best at everything(and already thinks he is ;).  He told me that his plans are college IU basketball and then on to the NBA but he wants to buy our house from us so that he can live there and raise his family, but we have to live with them :)  He would play with absolutely anyone that would play with him, sometimes if there is no one to play outside with he will just stay outside by himself and his imagination.  He loves to just watch movies but with me by his side.  I could go on and on about all the awesomeness that he has, the list is remarkable!

Looking back on yesterday makes me realize that we do have to work on his frustration when playing sports but in a lot of ways that is just my son.  He is passionate, very competitive and gets frustrated like some when things don't go his way.  This has been a very hard year for all my kids but he has had the hardest time out of them.  His emotions have been high from the beginning, he always would ask me if I was going to pass away.  He wears his feelings on his sleeve so he has dealt with this so different then his siblings.  That tears my heart to pieces that he has had such anxiety and worries about my illness.  That is one reason it was so important for me to push myself to get better so that no one had to worry about me.  As normal as we tried to keep things for all of them sometimes it just is not possible.  Every child is so different and have such different needs while they grow.  There is no manual on how to raise your children and every parent has their own personal ways.  We make mistakes I am sure of it and will propably make more.  My husband and I revolve our lives around our kids and although sometimes it is a struggle to know whats right from wrong I think we are doing a very good job considering!  I didn't have very good role models growing up so I decided to change that cycle as an adult and do everything completely opposite from my childhood. Sometimes I feel like it backfires because I tend to over compensate but  I wouldn't change anything about the way we have parented and we are still learning every day :)  My youngest, my baby is who he is I love that a about him !!