It's been a crazy last 30 days. Half my month was in the stupid hospital and the other half was recovering from said hospital stay. I remember when I was in the hospital I kept thinking I have to be better before October 6th. Even if they ended up operating, I HAD to be able to get to October 6th. This date for me was a day that I was scared to death about but still excited at the same time. It was kinda like how you feel on your first day of a new job, or the way I felt when I delivered my babies. October 6th to me was the day that I promised myself I would do as I laid in the hospital after my big surgery. I had no idea back in February how this was all going to play out but I had a very deep conversation with "My" Nurse ( I say that because she ended up being so much more to me) about moving forward from this life altering event. I spoke to her about how I wanted to help other people that were going through this same surgery before or after and pay it forward like some had done for me. I feel like I have to point out that this surgery that I had "Cytroreduction and HIPEC" is coined the mother of all surgeries for a reason. For instance mine was 9 separate surgical procedures combined with a concentrated, heated chemotherapy bath in the abdomen once all the cancer was removed. I told my nurse that it didn't matter to me what someone's diagnosis was, we were all in the same boat having this crazy big surgery which is something exceptional. She told me that she knew I would do just that. Fast forward to July when my doctors office called and asked me to be a speaker at the HIPEC symposium that they were having in October. Without hesitation I said yes I would love to! I hung up and immediately thought OMG what did I just get myself into but then at the same time I thought I have to do this for so many reasons. Leading up to this last month, I had my mind set on speaking so when I got sick I was praying that everything would work out because I needed to do this speech.
Last week I started working on what I was going to say, how I was going to say it, and even taking long baths so I could practice to myself in peace. Days leading up to the actual conference I sat down and spoke to my husband about what I wanted to speak about. I had spoken to my surgeon who just told me to tell my story, diagnosis, surgery, after care and anything else. I even spoke to one of my dearest friends and she sent me videos to reference of other patients that spoke at different symposiums. I decided right then that I didn't really want to get too technical about what exactly transpired during the surgery, or even the technical parts of what they removed. Anyone that had the HIPEC or was leading up to it knew that it is a gamble on what will happen when you are operated on. They also know how extreme this surgery is, so I think I was ok leaving that bit out. I really wanted to touch base on the mental and physical side of the diagnosis, finding my surgeon and the post op.
October 6th came, I did not remind my family, or my friends that I was doing this. I just got up at 3:30 in the morning to get ready and go. My husband, mother-in-law and bestie came to support me. The first person I saw was one of my greatest friends through this experience so I gave her a big hug and she told me I would do great. We all listened through the different speakers, learning more and more about my disease and so many others treated with the HIPEC surgery. It was very interesting and we learned so much that we did not know before. Now it was my turn, I had told my family and friends that I was there and that if I did not look at them it was because I didn't want to cry. I walked up to the podium and looked up into the almost completely full auditorium and the first people I looked at was my family and friends and I knew that I was going to be ok, with no tears :)
I told my story that day to a full auditorium of medical professionals, patients, and caregivers. I felt so good after I did that! I walked away with survivors, doctors, nurses, and caregivers all thanking me for speaking from the heart. I had survivors walk up to me with tears in their eyes saying how they could whole heartily relate to my experience and I was brave for doing this. My surgeon asked me if I was trying to get him to cry, and if you knew my surgeon I think you would be surprised by that:)
October 6th, 2015 at 11:30am, I did something I would have never done before my diagnosis. I put away all my fear and talked about myself. Go figure :) I would do this again and again. I did this for myself in so many ways but I really did this hoping that I could help somebody with my story!
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