On Labor Day we went out on the boat after a very hectic, busy week. I was not feeling too good that morning but I just thought it was a stomach ache. It was weird though, because for the most part I felt like I was back to normal, or as normal as I could be ;) I remember taking pictures of the kids and my husband and then all the sudden telling him that we needed to go back in because the pain was becoming unbearable. As I lay on the floor of the boat, my youngest was rubbing my back and kept asking if I was going to be ok. To be honest I had no idea if I was going to be ok but I would smile at him and tell him of course. We pulled into the dock and all I kept thinking about was getting the boat cleaned up and closed so we could go home. The pain was so bad at this point it would take my breath away so I knew I had to go into the emergency room.
Once we got to the hospital I told Eric that he was going to have to explain my situation to everyone because I couldn't talk, nor did I feel like educating everyone today. The nurse asked me right away if I wanted some pain medicine but NO not me, I'm tough and I could work through that pain. Then another attack came and my husband told them to give me pain medicine pronto. Thank god!!! After some tests they determined that I had a bowel obstruction. The funny thing about that was after my surgery that was always my biggest fear. I never thought it would come on all the sudden the way that it did but I can tell you that the pain was the worse pain I have ever felt in my life, it even beats natural childbirth by a million....... These obstructions can come from two different things, recurrence of the cancer or adhesions from the surgeries. They felt confident that mine was from adhesions but you know my mind starting racing, for obvious reasons. The only thing they could do is rest my belly... no food, drinks or anything by mouth. Also, the dreaded NG tube had to be reinserted to keep my belly dry during this rest. The general surgeon said that he could give me 72 hours to see what happens but after that we would need to operate. I just could not imagine getting operated on again, it was too soon and this surgery would be a big one also! I remember my belly starting to wake up and the hospital immediately took tube out, put me on liquid diet and made sure I was good before they discharged me 24 hours after I started eating again. It all happened quick but I thought maybe that is how it all worked. Looking back, the general surgeon did tell me that I was doing better so he was going to discharge me because they needed my bed..... True story!!!
Went home and did ok the 1st day but still couldn't eat or drink much. Within 24 hours I became deathly ill, not keeping anything down, couldn't get out of bed and now it had been 7 days with nothing in my belly. We made the choice to go directly to my surgeon in Illinois and thank god we did. When I got there they said I was in such bad shape that my heart could have stopped. My dehydration was off the charts, all my veins where collapsed , they couldn't get me hydrated quick enough. It took over 24 hours of them just pumping fluids into me non stop, along with the happy NG tube that I had to have put back in (2 in one week was terrible). I put on my fighting gear like I have had to do in the past and went into beast mode to get myself better. My poor husband and children: I hate seeing them so worried about me. My husband will just do what it takes to take care of everyone without asking for any help from others. The food that was delivered from many of our friends did help!! My youngest son cried a lot, was unable to focus at school and spent a lot of time talking to the counselor because he is so worried. My oldest son goes on with his days but makes sure every night he tells me I look beautiful even with that ugly thing in my nose. My daughter is very busy with her junior year of college and being a student athlete so she takes as much time out as she can. I received so many supportive texts and messages from my friends and loved ones that I felt the power behind them to get better.
Things did start to turn around but It took another 6 days in the hospital. Two weeks total was a long time to just abruptly interfere with our lives. Once again it gave me direct insight on how quickly things can change in life and how scary these things can be. I am happy to be back home and trying to get back to some kind of normal, but I have been living in fear since I have been released because I do not want to go through that again. I am still on a liquid diet and very scared to change that. I know it will get better in time and this is just one more hurdle I have to fight myself on. As comfortable I was starting to feel with getting back to some normalcy in our life, this is like starting all over for me. Does anyone know what it is like to fight with yourself to stay positive? It wears me out but I am going to keep fighting to get back to a somewhat more comfortable place.
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