This must be the week for reflecting back on what I thought I knew then... but really know now. It all started with something I read that went something like in 20 years you will not remember the things you did do but the things you did not do. Now go back 20 years and think of how you would have taken that same exact sentence. I know we all have said this before but what would have happened if we knew then what we know now? I can tell you personally my life would have been a lot different. My old self was a quitter when it came to hard situations. I would rather have walked away from a troubled relationship or a uncomfortable conversation that needed to happen. However today that would never happen, I would fight for those relationships and as much as I didn't want the conversation to happen I would put my fears aside and just do it. That goes along with anything associated with my children. I have GREAT kids! I have said it before but I mean they are all so good, loving, compassionate toward others and smart. That is why I get so upset when I hear of other kids doing or saying bad things to my kids. There have been situations over the years that I have done my absolute best in doing the politically correct stance when it came to telling my kids to ignore them or telling them that we don't know what is going on with them at home so maybe that is an excuse for their actions. I gotta tell you that is not me today. No one knows how much time we have here and I need to teach my kids everything I know, whats right and wrong, how to treat people and also how to handle these uncomfortable situations.
There was a situation at a public place a couple of weeks ago where my youngest was pushed down by a kid that was 3 years older than him as I watched the whole thing. I composed myself and thought if that was my child I would want to know that he is picking on someone else. So I went up to the boy and told him that I was the boys mother that he just shoved down and would like to know where his mother is. Now this is crazy because I would have never done that before but times are different. The boy did not want to show me where his mom was so it never did get resolved but the point of this story is actions have reactions. I would never let anything happen to my kids and I now I won't be able to stop it but I want them to know it is OK to confront it because I would want the same thing if the roles were reversed. I have to teach them these life lessons as we go along because god forbid something happened I don't want to think about the things I did not do while I was here. I can't forget about the million questions that they ask on a daily basis, why do people smoke, have you ever smoked marijuana, have you ever stolen, why do people rob banks..... Those are always fun to answer ;)
Then there was this situation where simple words hurt more than actual pushing or shoving. My son told me how this boy would stand behind him every day and whisper in his ear how he was stupid and no body liked him because he was a nerd. My son said he would try to ignore it but obviously was hard to ignore and brought him to tears. That was a hard one because I wanted to march right into the school and cause a stink about him being bullied but my son did not want that because he didn't want it to cause more problems. So I reassured my son that this kid must be jealous of him and that is why he would say such horrible things. I also told him that he was going to have to find a way to stay completely clear of this boy because I could stay quiet for a little bit but it was my job to stand up for my son and I would do that if I had to. Over time he did just what I said and there were no problems with him anymore.
Now comes the hard lesson to teach, heartbreak. How do you teach this to your children?..... My daughter has suffered from a broken heart before and the hardest part for me is to keep her strong through it. I reinforce that she deserves better, she is too young to be tied down and she has all the time in the world to meet her dream guy. Looking back 20 years ago, if someone was there to tell me that I would not have listened to a bit of it so I don't know why I expect my daughter to. So instead I am going to be there for her if she needs to vent, cry or just scream and most importantly be there for her and at the same time let her try to figure out on her own how to get over a broken heart. This is one of the hardest parts of being a parent for me, how do I see my kids hurt? This is going back to the mean kid, sometimes just showing my kids my actions of being strong and not being afraid will help them get through some of these heartbreaks (hopefully). It also may take them awhile to get it but at least I feel like what I am showing them now will carry with them someday. I have so much to teach my kids so I need to use my time to make sure my husband and I continue to raise them into the superstars they are! I don't plan on going anywhere but I am realistic when it comes to the fact that no ones time is guaranteed while we are here so every second is so important. My cancer has lit so many fires under my butt that I do wish I had done in the sooner, but I am doing it now and I hope if there is one thing my kids do take away from my fight is to fight for those relationships, be strong always and do not fear those conversations that have to happen to get resolved. I am still gaining wisdom as I grow older but I am passing on every bit I have today.
No comments:
Post a Comment