I've tried many different methods since my diagnosis to simply relax and escape my mind for a moment. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping right after my diagnosis. My doctor suggested meditation as a way to deal with the anxiety that was keeping me from relaxing and sleeping. I did try it and I am sure if I was a little further past my diagnosis it would have helped, but I could not shut down my mind long enough to even mediate for a second. Then I decided it would be good for me to work and when I say work, I mean work a lot to try to zone out my situation. That was ok for a little bit, but then I just got upset that I was working all the time. Some would say silence would be good for me, a long bath, shopping, or even just sleeping. Sounds good in theory but none of these worked for me.
I was on the way to work one morning, listening to music on my phone and I caught myself strictly focused on nothing but the music I was listening to. Every song that I have on my phone tells a story to me: where I was when it came out, who it reminds me of or just the words bring up memories of the past. This was the first time that I was able to smile and reminisce of old times. It's funny when you think about what music means to some people. Maybe some don't put much thought into it but I did at that moment. I can remember how my sisters and I thought for sure that we were going to be the next JJFAD as we would each rap our designated part to "Supersonic" back in the late 80's. I remember laying in bed during my mom and dads get togethers in the early 80's and hearing the stereo scream through the house "Superfreak" by Rick James. My dad had a huge vinyl collection that I can still remember what the album covers looked like because I wanted so much to have my own collection. I would make a goal of recording songs on my cassette tapes and rewinding back and forth until I memorized all of Diana Ross's songs. My grandparents always would play music through their house and my grandpa sounded just like Perry Como, I can still remember him singing through the house and my grandma just smiling :) I laugh about my Violent Femmes stage, I still dance like a maniac when I hear "Blister in the Sun"! I could listen to Bizarre Love Triangle every single day and I recently learned that my best friend loves it as much as I do. Music played a big part of my young years, that's when certain songs would remind you of who you were dating at the time or where you were when it was on, like the skating rink. Then I can't forget our pastime of cruising the strip and seeing who had the best stereo system with the most bass in the trunk of their cars :) Wow, I laugh just thinking about Rob Bass blaring out of my yellow 1974 Vega :)
Of course my husband and I have our song that we danced to at our wedding "I could not ask for more", the perfect song for how I feel about him then and now. I laugh thinking of the song that reminds me the most of when I met my husband, all I will say is that it is by Nine Inch Nails ;) My kids will tell you that I really do think I can sing. I sing and dance with them all the time. I have even made up personal songs for them that they still can sing along as they grow older. Life is about making memories :) Then there are those songs that don't make me laugh but bring tears to my eyes. I can't even listen to some songs that bring back such bad memories like the song that was playing at my grandma's funeral, and now added to that list is the song that blowing up the radio on the way to almost every doctors appointment after my diagnosis. Instead I choose to listen to the music that makes me smile, the music that makes me sing as long as I can and the songs that make me dance like a wild child. I was looking for something to take my worries away for awhile, my own personal mediation and it was all loaded on my phone the whole time.
I saw a quote today by a unknown artist that really says it all, "MUSIC, speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul". I am so grateful for music in my life helping me through good times and bad. Next time you are having a bad day, or just need to escape for awhile turn on some of your music memories and I can guarantee an instant smile.
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