When we found out I had cancer we immediately started thinking how we were going to tell our children. My daughter was just turning 20 and she was watching the boys the day I got the actual diagnosis. When I walked in the door and saw her face I could not hold back my tears. The thoughts that were going through my head were crazy, I really thought I had to explain to her how I was going to pass away from this. As I was explaining the scenario to my daughter or at least what we thought was going to happen, she managed to keep it together as she and my husband told me that we were going to get through this. She is not really a girl of many words unless she feels like it :) She did post a picture of the two of us on social media and to me this was her reaching out to her friends to explain that she was going to need some shoulders to lean on. She was not going to show me this because she decided that she needed to help me be strong. After we went through telling our daughter we then tried to figure out how to tell our boys. They are 12 and 9 and as different as the sun and moon. Our 12 year old is the most loving, caring, sensitive boy and he also worries a lot more than most kids his age should. Our 9 year old is spunky, outgoing, social, and has a hard time showing others that he has this sensitive side because somehow that would take away from his coolness ;) It was only 2 weeks before Christmas so we did decide we would get through the holidays and then figure out what to tell the boys. It was hard at times though because I was still in my melt down stage, and could not control my tears whether it was at the store, at church, or just watching TV. They would ask me what was wrong and I would just tell them nothing.
After the holidays passed we found out what my treatment was going to be we knew that we had to tell them something because it was going to knock me off my feet for a little bit. We decided to tell the boys that I was having my appendix removed and it was a big surgery so they at least knew that something was going to be happening. We did this because they only associate cancer with death and we did not want to scare them too much. After the surgery and during the recovery we still did not tell them much because we wanted as much consistency as possible when it came to the boys. It has been over time that I have started to notice some changes with my children and this has all been since I was diagnosed. We recently went on a long vacation and I personally stepped way out of my comfort zone to explore and do things I have never done before. The looks on my kids faces were priceless as they would smile ear to ear as they saw me dive into this new normal view on life. My youngest would say, "Mom it was so cool that you did....." My oldest son would just come up and hug me so tight, and my daughter would just encourage me to keep trying these different things.
There are quite a few situations of my children changing since I was diagnosed that I will just note a few. My daughter and I were having a day together and she tells me out of the blue how she wants to not miss anything in life. She wants to go to the football games at school, or do those school activities because they will never happen again as she gets older. She wants to experience things that she would make excuses before to not do. As she was explaining this to me I could only think that is how I think now after 42 years but it only happened after I got diagnosed with cancer. I was so happy that she has realized this now and not later in life like myself. She will say she is not a introvert if you asked her but she is, and when she tells me she is going to make sure she doesn't miss these opportunities I could only cry inside with happiness.
I have had a few situations where I have been sick or not felt good since my surgery. I try not to let the boys know but the other day I was running a small fever(which Is a big deal because my immune system is so low, especially with no spleen) and my youngest immediately got really upset and told me he doesn't want me to go to the hospital anymore. He asked if he could lay with me and then he took my temperature every 5 minutes to make sure I was OK. The look of concern on his face was like I have never seen before and I hated that he had to worry about me like this! If someone says something about cancer he immediately pipes in with how happy he is I had my "period" surgery so they could find my cancer and remove it. We never explained this to him he just picked it up over time. My oldest son has been giving up time with his friends a lot lately. At first I didn't really understand why he would not want to do the sleep overs or the hanging out but then I heard him tell his best friend that he just wanted to spend time with his family. Looking back he is staying very close to me lately, whether it is just holding my hand or coming up and hugging me and telling me I am beautiful for no reason. He is and always has been that loving boy but now he wants to make sure I feel this love every day. I would love to say that cancer has changed my children for the better with all these different situations but only time will tell. I can only tell you that every day I see a different way that my diagnosis has changed their lives and so far it has only shown me how they are opening their eyes to this new normal way their mom has to live and they are right by my side :)
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