An escape from reality

We just got home from a 12 day unbelievable vacation.  In the past when we went on vacation I know we always had fun and made memories but this time was very different, for me especially.  I found myself wanting to absorb every second and to try as many things as possible, especially those I have never tried before. I went snorkeling, swam with the fishes, did water slides and even danced on a bar!! I wanted to make sure everyone had a great time and I especially wanted to see the smile on my kids faces.  Looking back on vacations we have taken in the past, I realized how much I missed out on because I was scared or just plain boring.  This vacation was different for me and had a much different meaning.  I did not think much about what was going on at home or what was going to be going on when we got home.  I did not think much about the money we were spending or even how much things cost (which you know that is not me at all :) I did not worry about what I ate or how much weight I was going to gain, lol!!!  I also did not think much about my disease or what it has done to me up to this point.  I did find myself tearing up sometimes when I saw the rainbow over St. Thomas as we were pulling into port, or the sunrise in the morning on the beach or the excitement on my kids faces as they told me how much fun they were having.  The little things make me so happy:)  There was only one time that I found myself fall off the positive wagon and that was when Eric told me that he wanted to book another trip like this one in the future.  I told him that I was scared to book to far in advance because I did not know what the future held but he quickly reminded me that I cannot think that way because we were going to plan our future and nothing was going to stand in our way.  I know that I need to keep those thoughts out of my head but the reality is that sometimes, no matter what moment I am in, those demons do creep up on me.  I just have to knock them down and keep on keeping on :)  After our cruise we went to see my sisters.  It was a great way to end a great vacation and although I was very sad to leave them I knew that I had to go back to reality.  Even though I am not on some Caribbean island somewhere, I am still going to do things that in the past I was too intimidated to do.  I am still going to make memories with my kids with everything that we do.  I am still going to tear up when I see something as beautiful as the sunset or hearing my kids laugh.  I am not going to worry about the future and I am definitely not going to let it stop me from living!  Whenever I want I am going to escape from reality, even if it is just when my mind takes me back to these beautiful times and this beautiful vacation.