Was I always such a worrywart?

It is almost crazy how much has changed over the last 6 months.  I find myself looking at pictures before diagnosis and thinking, I had cancer there and didn't even know it.  Fast forwarding to today's pictures and thinking, I can't believe how far I have come.  I was never, ever a person that would worry about my personal health.  I know how bad that must sound but I would worry about everyone else when it came to going to the doctors and taking care of themselves but not me. I think I was either just oblivious to anything happening to me or I was just lazy.....In fact some of my closest friends would get on me about going for regular check ups because I was just bad about keeping up on them. After you are diagnosed with any life altering disease, the doctors appointments, hospitals, tests, medicine, and insurance claims seem like they will never end!  I recently found out I have a blood clot in my portal vein so my primary doctor wants me to make sure I don't have a blood clotting problem.  This includes a series of tests with one of them taking so much blood that I seriously thought I would pass out.  As I was sitting there, I was thinking about all the blood that has been drawn over the pass 6 months and thinking my poor veins are going to somehow be damaged from all of this.  As I walked out of this 4 hour doctors visit, I found myself a little bitter.  I try and do stay positive for the most part but sometimes I do have those moments where something as simple as a doctors appointment or blood being drawn can just piss me off. As I text my husband and release everything I am sick of and his reply is a simply "Sorry Babe", and those words were enough for me:) So then I regroup and tell myself it could be worse and how lucky I am that I am just checking out a blood clot and not something else :)  I think the biggest hurdle I have had the last 6 months is to not worry so much about every little thing I feel.  The day I got diagnosed I started feeling all kinds of aches and pains that surprisingly I never felt before December 12th?  I knew exactly what I was doing with my mind playing tricks on myself but this was very hard for me to separate the two.  When someone asked how I was feeling I never would tell them how I was worrying about every single thing because I had to show everyone that I was not weak, but strong and a fighter.  I had myself convinced at first that everything I felt was cancer taking over my body.  My husband and I started immediately changing my diet, working out and preparing me for the long road ahead.  This helped my body and soul because my worries seemed to change from worrying about myself back to worrying about everyone else being OK.  Then the surgery came and my obsession with my body started back right away.  I worried in the hospital about a fever because that might mean infection.  I worried about my incision because it was so big and that could get infected.  I worried about eating because I knew how important it was and I just didn't have a appetite.  When I came home my best friend told me how she never knew all these 25+ years that I was such a worrywart and I told her that I never was until this.....My general doctor told me how that now that I don't have a spleen, if I ever have a fever over 100 degrees I must go directly to the emergency room and all I could think of was great, something else to worry about. My immune system has been compromised from the chemo so antibacterial has become our families best friend :)  and my husband has to deal with me asking him randomly if I feel hot because sometimes I forget that I am in full blown menopause from the surgery and it could just be a hot flash ;) I have changed my life since my diagnosis in many ways, and actually feel healthier than I have in a long time which seems weird after my massive surgery just 4 months ago.  I work out with a trainer, I walk 2 miles a day and eat much healthier than I ever have!  I just wish if there was one thing I could change it would be I would not waste anymore time on worrying about the little things associated with my health.  Was I always such a worry wart???? No and I definitely don't want to become one now!