The Do's and Dont's of communicating with a cancer survivor..

Life has been going on as normal and for the most part I am doing very good not focusing on what I have been through the last 6 months.  I do tend to push myself a little to hard and then I feel it later.  My best friend told me recently that I went from 0 to 100 on being busy all the time.  I explained that it has been very good for me to constantly do something so that my head does not have time to rest on this ugly thing.  She is smart though, because she said she knew my answer before I even gave it to her :) One thing I can't stop doing is thinking of different situations. I can say one thing that I am more aware of now (because I am not numb anymore ) is sometimes what people say to me about my diagnosis. Example, the doctor that was going to do a upper GI scope came in before my procedure and says, "Pseudomyxoma, I just love saying that"....... I was already given my meds so my MIL stepped in and said that "She doesn't love saying it."  This is coming from a medical professional, he probably should take some lessons on what not to say.  I know people don't know what to say and I have been in their situation and also not known what to say so I completely understand but I am a hugger so I just hug and tell them I have been thinking of them.  Of course this is a touchy subject to many because sometimes you open your mouth and things just come out but sickness and death is one that you gotta be very, very careful with not letting the wrong things come out.  So I have thought of a few things that might help put perspective on what not to really say to someone that is fighting cancer.  First, never tell them that you knew someone, friend, or loved one that lost their battle with cancer, or at least please don't start the conversation with that.  The biggest thing to remember is that as a cancer patient we all want to FIGHT to beat our evil cancer, so when you bring up death right off the bat, it deflates our fight just a little.  I was 12 days out of my big surgery and someone came up to me and started the conversation with, "You look great, I just lost my uncle to cancer".  I understand she was grieving and how sad it must be but I am trying to control my depression, not add to it.  Maybe another time it would not have been so hard to hear but it really took me back a little.  Second It's OK and most have no problem at all speaking of our journey, treatment, diagnosis, etc.  However, don't ask us what the prognosis is or statistics of survival.  That is something that we will share if we want to.  In my case, with my cancer being so rare, I have no idea what my survival statistics are because there has not been enough studies on the treatment.   I do know that there are 10 year studies and when I tell you that I have 80% chance of this not recurring that is good news!  I told someone exactly that and they looked at me and said that's not good, you are too young.  I just smiled but I was thinking why would you say that's not good?.....You have to look at the good side of things not the bad.  Third, saying something is better than not saying anything at all.  I know sometimes words are hard to find but there are so many little things that can replace words and still show how much you care.  After my diagnosis all the support I received was overwhelming.  Some sent cards, well wishes, and prayers.  Others would offer help in any way possible but others went mute.  It is completely fine not even bringing up the subject or asking questions but "I'm thinking of you", "it's so great to see you", or even a hug would replace any words a million times over.  It means the world to me to just to know that people care and believe me when I say it adds to my strength in every way.  Fourth, I don't know why I thought that me being diagnosed would change everyones view on living life but I did.  I really in my head thought that people I know and were close to would be awakened on living life to its fullest, always letting people know how much they care, and being happy.  I still am having a hard time coming to the conclusion that just because I view things different does not mean that others will automatically do the same.  Looking back I was just as guilty thinking that nothing was going to happen to me, and sometimes sweating the small stuff.  Now I ask you PLEASE do not take a single second for granted, please tell your loved ones you love them all the time, please do not think you have tomorrow to do something you should have done today, PLEASE don't assume someone knows how you feel, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not sweat the small stuff.  Lastly I thank everyone for saying how good I look since my surgery, but I want to remind everyone that you can look good on the outside and still be healing on the inside.  Not only am I still healing internally from this massive surgery but I am healing mentally on a daily basis.  I fight with myself every day to not get caught up in the what if's or the scary future but on the outside you would never know.  As positive and happy as someone may seem on the outside, they may be fighting themselves on the inside.  I go non-stop from the time I get up to the time I go to bed just to not waste a single second but when my head hits the pillow I have to really stop myself from going to that scary ledge.  I thank everyone that checks in on me with a call or text because that is what I and others fighting these diseases need the most.  Support in any shape or form is by far something that has kept me going and I still need through this journey.  When all else fails a smile or hug is always a winner :)