So there I was awaiting this monster of a surgery, which has been named by others that have endured it, MOAS-mother of all surgeries. I had to keep going, keep working, keep doing my motherly duties, and most of all keep keeping it together. I found myself bitter more times than I would like to admit. I wondered at times do all people that have gone through some type of cancer diagnosis go through these feelings of bitterness? Eric told me that 1 in 3 people will have to deal with cancer at some times of their lives and that really stuck with me. I would be at Karate with the boys and find myself looking at different parents wondering if they have had to go down a similar type of path as this before. I would be at the store and think in the back of my head, I have a 1 in a million cancer, how does this happen? Of course I get the crazy one that no one has ever heard of! Most of all I would find myself with the same bitterness when people would even ask me how I was doing. I am a freaking mess, don't know how I will pull through this surgery, why me, I don't know how to explain it and thanks for asking. That is what I was saying in my head. I knew that I did not want to consume myself with any negative thoughts no matter how bitter I felt at the time. I told myself, of course other people have walked in my shoes, and everyone has a different story to tell. I needed to figure out how to get control of this and quick! Everyone was reaching out to me, old friends, new friends, family from both near and far. I did take complete advantage of taking everyone up on lunch and dinner invites to catch up and see everyone before the big surgery day. I felt so loved by so many, and even though I knew it before, I really felt it now.
I cannot even begin to think of how to thank my loved ones and friends for showing me that affection and doing more then they even knew they were doing.... getting rid of my bitterness :)
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